One of the biggest myths about traveling with someone you love might be that you’re supposed to want to do all the same things.

We don’t.

There are things I would happily spend half a day doing that my partner would probably be finished with considerably sooner.

There are things he enjoys that wouldn’t necessarily make the top of my vacation list.

Sometimes one of us wants to stop.

Sometimes the other wants to keep driving.

One of us might think something looks worth the detour while the other is perfectly happy admiring it through the windshield.

And somehow, we still really like traveling together.

Maybe because we’ve stopped expecting that traveling together means experiencing every minute exactly the same way.

We Don’t Have to Love the Same Things

I think it’s easy to build up an idea of what traveling as a couple is supposed to look like.

You choose a destination together.

You make an itinerary together.

You do the activities together.

You stand in front of the beautiful thing together.

You both think it’s equally amazing.

Perfect vacation.

Real life isn’t quite that tidy.

Two people can look at the same attraction and have completely different levels of interest.

That doesn’t mean one of you is wrong.

It doesn’t mean the trip was a bad choice.

And it definitely doesn’t mean you aren’t compatible travelers.

It just means you’re two different people.

Which, now that I think about it, was true before you got in the vehicle.

There Are Things That Matter More to Me

Scenery is a big one for me.

Give me a beautiful drive and I’m happy.

I can stare out a window for hours.

I’ll notice mountains in the distance.

I’ll want to know what’s around the next curve.

I’ll probably say, “Look at that,” approximately 47 times.

And yes, sometimes the thing I’m pointing at looks remarkably similar to the thing I pointed at five minutes ago.

It’s different to me.

I promise.

There are also times when I want to stop somewhere simply because it looks interesting.

Not because it’s famous.

Not because we planned it.

I just want to see what’s there.

My partner doesn’t necessarily have the exact same reaction to every one of those things.

That’s okay.

And There Are Things That Matter More to Him

The compromise works both ways.

There are places he wants to stop or things he’s interested in that I wouldn’t have chosen on my own.

Sometimes I go because it matters to him.

Sometimes I discover I enjoy it more than I expected.

Sometimes I confirm that, yes, I would have been perfectly fine skipping it.

That’s okay too.

Not every activity on a shared vacation has to become your new favorite thing.

Sometimes you do something because watching someone you love enjoy it is part of the experience.

And sometimes they do the same for you.

We’ve Learned the Difference Between a Preference and a Priority

This might be one of the most useful things we’ve figured out.

There are things I’d like to do.

And there are things that genuinely matter to me.

Those aren’t the same.

If something is just a preference, I’m much more willing to let it go.

If something really matters to me, I need to say that.

The same goes for him.

Neither one of us should have to guess which things the other person secretly considers important.

Because that’s how you end up saying:

“It’s fine. We don’t have to go.”

When it is very clearly not fine and you absolutely wanted to go.

That’s not compromise.

That’s just postponing an argument.

We Don’t Keep Score

This one matters.

If I stop somewhere he wants to see, he doesn’t now owe me one scenic overlook.

If he spends an afternoon doing something that’s more important to me, I don’t have to repay it with an equal number of hours doing something he chooses.

Travel would get exhausting pretty quickly if we kept a running tally.

Your thing: 2 hours.
My thing: 2 hours.
We’re even.

That’s not how we approach it.

Over the course of a trip, it tends to balance itself out.

Sometimes the day leans toward what I enjoy.

Sometimes it leans toward him.

Sometimes we both love everything.

Sometimes neither of us does and we wonder why we stopped in the first place.

Those usually make pretty good stories later.

We Also Don’t Have to Do Everything Together

I think this is another thing couples sometimes feel weird about.

You’re on vacation together.

Aren’t you supposed to spend the vacation…together?

Mostly, yes.

But that doesn’t mean every single activity has to involve both people.

When we were in Hawaii, I wanted to snorkel.

My partner had absolutely zero desire to get on a boat or spend time in the open ocean.

We could have compromised in a way that made neither of us particularly happy. I could have skipped snorkeling because he didn’t want to go, or he could have gotten on the boat because I wanted him there.

Instead, I went snorkeling.

He took a scenic drive to a volcano.

I spent a few hours doing something I really wanted to do. He spent those same few hours doing something he actually enjoyed.

Then we met back up.

Everyone was happy.

Nobody felt dragged into an activity they didn’t want to do, and nobody had to miss something they were excited about just because the other person wasn’t interested.

And frankly, after traveling together, eating together, sleeping in the same hotel room and spending nearly every other hour of vacation together, being away from each other for a few hours probably wasn’t terrible for our relationship either.

We survived. 🙂

There’s actually something nice about coming back together afterward and having different stories to tell.

Traveling together doesn’t have to mean experiencing every minute together.

Sometimes the best compromise isn’t meeting in the middle.

Sometimes it’s letting each other go in completely different directions for a few hours.

Three Weeks Is a Long Time to Agree About Everything

Our road trip this summer was three weeks.

Sixteen states.

Seven national parks.

Thousands of miles in the same vehicle.

Two dogs.

And later, my mom joined us too.

That is a lot of togetherness.

If the goal had been for everyone to agree enthusiastically about every decision, we’d probably still be somewhere out west trying to decide what to do.

Someone is going to be tired when someone else isn’t.

Someone is going to be hungry at an inconvenient time.

Someone will want to stay longer.

Someone will be ready to go.

Someone will suggest something that gets absolutely no enthusiasm from anyone else.

That’s not a problem with the trip.

That’s the trip.

The Dogs May Be the Best at This

The dogs have no interest in fairness.

They don’t care whose turn it is to choose an activity.

They don’t care whether we saw the attraction I wanted to see yesterday.

Their priorities are remarkably consistent.

Can we get out?

Can we smell this?

Is there food?

Are our people still here?

Excellent vacation.

Traveling with them has probably made us even better at changing plans because sometimes their needs decide for us.

And there isn’t much point arguing with a beagle who has decided he’s done.

Sometimes Compromise Means Skipping Something

This used to be harder for me.

If one of us really wanted to do something, surely we should find a way.

We’re already here.

What if we never come back?

But sometimes the right decision for the trip is to let something go.

Maybe one person is tired.

Maybe we’re running behind.

Maybe the dogs can’t go.

Maybe the weather changed.

Maybe doing that one thing would make the rest of the day miserable.

Compromise doesn’t always mean finding a way for everyone to get everything they want.

Sometimes it means deciding together what we’re okay leaving behind.

I Think We’ve Become Better Travelers Together

Not because we’ve learned to want the same things.

We haven’t.

I don’t think we ever will.

We’ve become better at knowing what matters to each other.

Better at saying when something is important.

Better at letting go when it isn’t.

Better at recognizing when one person’s enthusiasm is enough reason to stop.

And better at saying:

“You go ahead. I’ll be perfectly happy here.”

There’s a lot of freedom in that.

Because when you stop expecting another person to experience travel exactly the way you do, you can actually start enjoying the ways they’re different.

He’s taken me places I probably wouldn’t have chosen.

I’ve made him stop at things he probably would have driven right past.

We’ve both skipped things for the other person.

We’ve both waited.

We’ve both changed plans.

And somewhere in all of that compromise, we’ve created a way of traveling that belongs to us.

The Best Travel Partner Isn’t Your Travel Twin

I don’t need someone who wants exactly the vacation I want.

I need someone who cares whether I’m enjoying mine.

And I want to do the same for him.

Sometimes that means we want exactly the same thing.

Sometimes it means one of us says, “Okay, let’s stop.”

Sometimes it means, “You do that. I’ll be here.”

And sometimes it means both of us deciding we’d rather skip the whole thing and go back to the hotel.

We’ve gotten pretty good at that one too.

We don’t always want the same vacation.

We just want each other to have a good one.

And it turns out that’s more than enough.

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Keep Reading

I Thought Great Vacations Were Supposed to Be Exhausting
Changing the way I travel wasn’t just about doing less. It also meant letting go of the idea that everyone on the trip needs to experience everything.

How to Plan a Road Trip Without Trying to See Everything
Leaving room in the itinerary makes it much easier to accommodate what different people actually want from the trip.

How to Decide How Far to Drive in a Day on a Road Trip
One person’s “I could keep going” can be another person’s “I am absolutely done.” Here’s how we think about what a travel day can realistically hold.

The Best Travel Memories Usually Aren’t Planned
Some of our favorite moments happen when nobody is insisting that the itinerary go exactly as planned.

Coffee on Grandpa’s Porch
Sometimes the person you’re traveling to see matters far more than anything you could put on the itinerary.

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☕ Comfort Corner

We don’t always want the same activities, but being comfortable makes almost any travel day easier. These are a few of the things that make a difference for me.

My Owala Water Bottle
Mine stays within reach. It’s one of those little things I don’t think much about until I don’t have it.

My Merrell Shoes
If the day’s compromise involves “let’s just go see what this trail looks like,” I appreciate already having comfortable shoes on my feet.

My Fire Tablet
This may be the perfect product for a post about not needing to do everything together. If my partner wants to do something and I’d rather stay behind and read for a while, I’m completely capable of entertaining myself.

Find all of my travel favorites in one place.
You can browse my Travel Comfort & Style Amazon Storefront to see more of the things I actually use when I travel.

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Affiliate Disclosure: Some of the links above are affiliate links. That means if you choose to make a purchase, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend products I personally use and genuinely believe make travel more comfortable. If it hasn’t earned a place in my travels, you won’t find it here.

Travel isn’t about having the perfect gear. It’s about finding the little things that help you enjoy the journey a little more. These are mine.